Star Wars Blunders

(Author unknown)

How did the Empire ever gain control? Their troopers suck and their star-fleet self-distructs. Their technicians are third-rate hacks and Darth Vader is out of control. A common smuggler and a farm boy enjoy a 100 to 1 accuracy advantage over Imperial troops. In three movies Imperial foot soldiers only manage to shoot the entire crew in Leia's space cruiser, only a handful of Hoth rebel troops, a couple of Ewoks and an unarmed R2-D2. They get a clear shot at Leia but only hit her in the shoulder. Meanwhile, we see scores of troops bite the dust on the Death Star, in Cloud City and on Endor.
Why do the troops bother to wear that armor? It obviously provides no protection whatsoever from laser blast, rocks, arrows, spears or the like. Even being thrown to the ground during hand to hand combat appears to be fatal. Maybe less armor and more target practice should be employed. Also, that wide-angle stun-gun we saw in the first movie should be used more often.
What is the deal with the TIE fighters? One hit and they blow into a million bits. The "Millennium Falcon" and X-Wings can absorb 100 times the damage and these ships look like used Chevys. Luke Skywalker jumps into a gun turret on the Falcon for the first time in his life and manages to keep up with Han in blasting half a dozen ships to bits. Do these guys just fly right into the gun sights, or have they ever heard of jinking? Again, the empire should focus on quality rather than quantity and build tougher shielded ships and staff them with better trained pilots and gunners.
The Imperial Star Destroyers also have some design shortcomings. In "The Empire Strikes Back" as they are pursuing the "Falcon" as it tried to escape from Hoth, two ships collide as Solo veers out of plane. No one at the Fleet Headquarters thought of building collision avoidance systems into their ships? In "Return of the Jedi" during the space battle over Endor, a command ship veers into the Death Star after the bridge deflector shield is lost and a stricken Rebel A-Wing slams into the flight deck. What, with a huge ship like that they didn't design in an auxiliary control room and a back-up navigation computer? Even the "Enterprise" had that back in the 60's. And since the Empire lost its first Death Star to a minor design flaw in the first movie, why didn't they learn from this and not build the second one with a bomb in the middle that could be set off by a single, well placed shot?
When the Imperial technicians allegedly deactivated the hyperdrive on the "Falcon" while it was docked at Cloud City, why didn't they do something more permanent? R2-D2 just reaches in and flips a switch and swoosh! Why didn't they steal the coil wire or polarize the negative power coupling or something a little harder to fix? Or, why didn't they hide a few troops in the cargo smuggling holds so they could jump out and yell "Surprise!" How about this? Why didn't Darth at least use his hidden tracking beacon trick he used in the first movie?
What kind of hacks are in charge of Imperial data security anyway? Any jerk with an R2 unit can interpret the entire Imperial network and shut down garbage mashers when they feel like it? It also doesn't seem likely that you protect a multi-billion credit investment like a second Death Star with a terrestrial deflector shield generator and then allow any jerk with an R2 unit to open the door and walk in to blow it up.
How did a complete technical readout of the Death Star leak out in the first place? These guys never heard of encryption? The Alliance uses a stolen security code to get past the Imperial fleet and get clearance to land on Endor. Doesn't anyone notice that the shuttle lands away from the shield generator complex? Aren't they concerned that the parts and technical crew for the forest moon never arrive? Is the Empire so vast that they don't miss a stolen shuttle craft? Doesn't anyone even bother to check out their story and see if they are expected?
How about those Imperial speeder bikes they use in the forest on Endor...they don't have keys or activation codes? Any jerk or small mammal can jump on one and hit the accelerator? And what a design flaw to have the comlink jammer switch positioned in the center! Is there a frequent need for Imperial troops to jam each other's communications?
Ok, and how does Darth Vader keep his star fleet officer corps staffed when he keeps killing off his senior officers.
...And since Darth can choke a man to death from across the room or even another part of a ship, why doesn't he ever use this technique on the enemy?
Why didn't Darth polish off the Emperor a long time ago if all it took was tossing him into an abyss. There seem to be abysses conveniently located throughout the Empire.
When Luke finally beat Vader senseless with a light sabre and amputated his hand, we see that it is robotic. In fact, Vader is supposed to be "more machine than man now, twisted and evil". Do bionic limbs get tired after a few minutes of rough play? The six million dollar man always could run and beat the snot out of some idiot without wimping out. Maybe Darth Vader should quit using those crappy supervolt batteries and switch to Energizer.
These guys have space ships, but not wheels? All their land-transport employs legs, but not wheels or tracks??? Must be a Mayan universe!

Ok, enough bashing the venerable Galactic Empire, how about the Alliance....

Start with Luke. Where did he pick up all this Jedi training? He spent a couple hours with Obi-Wan on the ride to Alderaan in the Falcon, and after that, they split up on the Death Star and he didn't see him again until Vader lopped him in half (and then disappeared?). Yoda gave a few pointers while Luke jogged through the forest for a couple days. Then he taught him to do handstands while levitating rocks, driods and household appliances. Then he rushes off to Cloud City to save Han and Leia and all of a sudden he's king-caca with a light sabre?
And I didn't get this.... Luke whacks daddy in the arm while playing sword fight on the bridge over Cloud City's ventilation abyss, but this doesn't result in loss of a limb or other apparent damage. But two minutes earlier, Luke hit him with either steam or cooling gasses while fighting in the cryogenic chamber, and this knocks Darth back long enough for Luke to levitate his sabre back into his hand. So what, Vader's armor can withstand a direct light sabre strike but a little freon puts him away? And why didn't Vader levitate Luke's light sabre first so Luke couldn't get it back after he worked so hard to neatly disarmed him?
When Vader started to rip household appliances off the walls by levitation and hurl them at Luke, didn't he realize he might shatter the window and get sucked out by the pressure equalization? Since Luke was so recently well trained at levitating space equipment, why couldn't he fend off this attack or at least retaliate?
What kind of a technical whiz is Obi-Wan? He's been holed up in the desert since before Luke was born (at least 20 years?) but as soon as he sets foot on the Death Star he's current with reading technical schematics as R2-D2 flashes them at 10 frames a second? And what a photographic memory! After looking at this blur of images, he trots right down to the spot where he needs to shut off the tractor beam, dodging troops all the while without a map?
And how did he manage to fool Vader with that clever alias for over 20 years? What, did Darth look in the phone book under Kenobi, and when he saw Ben but no Obi-Wan he gave up and went on vacation?
What's the deal with Lando Calrissian? He is the only one that seems to have any fashion sense at all, and yet when he takes off in the Falcon with Chewie to look for Solo at the end of "Empire", he is dressed in the same t-shirt and vest that Han wears. What, did he raid Solo's closet, and he happens to wear the same size? Since Solo won the ship from Lando in a hand of poker, was this originally Lando's wardrobe also? Or is this some kind of space-pirate/smuggler/scoundrel uniform?
Who was the idiot that programmed C-3PO? Does anyone really have a need for a neurotic, annoying won't shut up robot?
And why can't R2-D2 talk? It seems like a human speech interface isn't too hard to come by a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. He can communicate with Luke through the X-Wing's CRT. How hard could it be to stick another chip and a speaker in the little guy? He's already got a periscope, a holographic projector and a full-service bar. Come on!
Would X-Wing fighters really have hyperdrive? Seems like you would have some kind of spacecraft carrier to base the fighters from, and they would only have sublight capability.
After Luke and Vader destroy the Emperor, and Lando and a fish blow up the death star and a couple of star destroyers, did they really defeat the Empire? Are they really in a position to celebrate? Isn't there still the majority of a star fleet out there? Beyond that, there must be billions of garrison troops spread throughout the galaxy. Are they all going to fold up and go home just because the Emperor isn't around anymore to sign the checks?

How about the Phontom Menace?

The droid troops on Naboo seem to be made of high resin plasitc. They clatter to the ground like toys. Maybe that was on purpose so the plastic toys would seem more authentic?
How come the droids stand around and wait to be cut in half? Many times they seemed to be merely light saber targets.
The filming of the people was obviously done separate from the computer animations. Queen Amadala (as Padme') seemed to be staring into the thin air when Jar-jar does his antics on the Nubian cruiser. Even when there is heavy sword fighting in the courtyard, Jar-jar is uncharacteristically and conveniently out of sight and out of the action. Half of the time the animations are ignored by the people even though they would be impossible to ignore in person.
Did I miss something or does Darth Maul appear at the bottom of the cliff faster than is possible with normal gravity? (When he heads into the Tatooine town - remember?)
How does Darth Maul and Quigon get past the swinging pink force fields in the first cycle of rotation while spinning and fighting while Obi-wan can't get from one end to the other during the second cycle when he's running his hardest?
Who designed the droid control mechanism? Central control only - from space!? Why not have some local control from the droid carriers? How about a default program that returns them to their carriers if the master signal is lost. Why do they go limp anyway? They should at worst stay operating dormantly - even if they are clueless.
How can the ocean beasts live in the planet's core? Shouldn't the core be molten rock?
How come the second head of the pod race announcer sounds so much like howard cosell? I'm sure he's never been to Tatooine!
How did the announcer know Anikin was going to be diverted off the course in the pod race BEFORE he was actually diverted? Can the announcer see into the future a few seconds? I'm sure THAT would come in handy in a sports announcer!
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